The Marriage of Harry and Meghan…are you one of the billions that watched it?
It couldn’t have been more romantic could it – but sooner or later (probably later in their case) even they will face the reality of the day to day living as a couple.
Here are some ways to handle things as the relationship moves from those heady just married or just moved in together feelings……
After the high of the wedding…….
At some point in the relationship we wake up to the fact the other person has changed.
There are usually less flowers/attention/kissing/intense conversation.
If you think about when you are first dating it is unlikely (and it would be quite worrying!) if they switched on the TV and spent all evening watching the match instead of talking! When you are settled in a relationship there is a natural resumption of life once the relationship becomes stable and you do go back to watching football and Eastenders without chatting.
It isn’t as intense as the beginning.
This is part of the progression of the relationship but also you can become a little disappointed that the attention has eased.
As the relationship progresses:
You create a more accurate image of your partner.
Let go of illusions and begin to see more of your partners truth. See your partner as another often wounded person just like you!
You learn to value you your partners needs and wishes as highly as your own
You let go of the idea that your partner is there to meet your needs – and divert more of your energy into meeting his.
You become more intentional in your interactions.
We tend to react without thinking we need to consciously train ourselves to think and behave in a constructive manner.
You embrace the shadow side of your personality.
You accept that you have negative traits that need working on just as your partner does have areas of difficulty too.
For example: They are untidy! You need to tell your partner in a way that is receptive to them.
Probably won’t work if you say “You are a slob…smarten up or else”
Learn new techniques to satisfy your needs.
Rather than cajoling your partner to meet your needs you take responsibility for your needs and also perhaps turn to other people to meet those needs.
Search within yourself for strengths and abilities
Not looking to your partner as you may have done at the beginning. They may have been all to happy to sort out that virus on the computer in the dating days – asking him or her to do it every Thursday probably won’t be so welcome.
You accept the difficulty of creating a good marriage/partnership
To have a good marriage or partnership is not just about picking the right partner! It’s a realization you have to be the right partner – and realize that relationships require commitment, discipline and the courage to grow and change – marriage or partnership is hard work!!!