Learning From Our Relationships: Even If They Don’t Work Out

Sometimes relationships don’t work out – this can be very sad but it doesn’t mean that we cannot take something from the relationship and use it to help us go forward into other relationships.

Getting Over A Break Up

When we are getting over a relationship we need to keep it in perspective. Just because this relationship has not worked out doesn’t mean that all future relationships will be the same.

Some things to keep in mind are:

Accept that not all relationships go the whole way:

But that doesn’t mean the relationship was a bad one – although obviously all endings are sad. Also, importantly realise just because the relationship didn’t end how may have you wanted doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.

Consider what you take as rejection may not be rejection:

For example, you may have arrived in someone’s life at a time when they are not ready for a relationship or they are too busy or preoccupied with other things – i.e. exams or a big life change. They just don’t have the emotional energy right now to deal with a relationship.

Recognise that some people reject everyone:
Some people are very damaged from their past, consequently they reject others in order to protect themselves from further pain. Or they may behave in a way towards you that is not your fault but left over from someone in their past who has hurt them – in effect you are getting mail that should be addressed to someone else.

Allow yourself the right to get angry:

If someone has treated you badly you need to allow yourself to feel that anger and not feel bad about it. Sometimes we have to own things and other times we don’t!

Try to learn from the relationship:

If relationships keep going wrong may be there are some changes you need to make. Ask someone you trust what they think about your relationships. It may be hard to hear but ask a good friend “I seem to be messing up a lot in relationships what do you think is causing this?” Be open and listen.

One way we can learn from broken relationships is to sit down and try and analyze them and try and find links and patterns.  You can do this with a friend or a counsellor.