The time old problem of a woman writing into the Guardian’s advice column who wants her husband to be more loving and then she will want more sex, and the husband who says he will be more loving if he has more sex: Pamela Stephenson Conolly gives this wise reply:
I once saw a cartoon that spoke the truth about a common difference in the way many men and women feel about lovemaking. It depicted two opposing groups of protesters. The placards of an all-female faction read: “NO LOVE NO SEX!” while those of the all-male faction read “NO SEX NO LOVE!” These sentiments frequently underlie conflicts that arise within certain relationships. While this is certainly not true for all men and women, simply understanding it as a common gender-based tendency may help you and your husband to come to terms with it and join forces in finding a way to break this impasse. Sometimes couples use sex as a weapon in a power struggle that is really more about seeking control within their relationship. Discuss this calmly, ask his opinion, listen to each other … and be cooperative partners in trying to work it out.
Source: Sex with my husband feels loveless – and yet he refuses to provide affection Guardian 1/10/2024