Few dating topics spark debate quite like the question of who should pay on a first date.
Ask around and you’ll quickly discover there is no universal rule. Some people believe splitting the bill is the fairest approach. Others think the person who initiated the date should cover the cost. And despite shifting attitudes towards gender roles, many still view a man paying as a thoughtful romantic gesture rather than an outdated expectation.
With cocktails often costing more than £15 and restaurant prices continuing to rise, the question isn’t just about etiquette anymore—it’s also about money.
According to Barclays research, UK adults spent an average of more than £111 a month on dates and dating apps in 2025, amounting to over £1,300 annually. For younger daters, the financial pressure is even more significant, with more than half of Gen Z adults saying the cost of dating affects their ability to go on dates.
So, what do people actually think about paying on a first date?
“It’s About Effort, Not Dependence”
For digital editor Jennifer Read-Dominguez, the answer is simple: if you ask someone out, you should be prepared to pay.
She stresses that women are perfectly capable of paying for themselves, but says that’s not really the point. “Sometimes it’s nice to take a step back from always being the one making decisions and simply enjoy feeling feminine and being looked after,” she explains.
To Jennifer, a man paying isn’t about inequality or dependence. Instead, it’s a sign of effort and a way of keeping certain traditional gestures alive in modern dating.
The amount spent doesn’t matter much to her. A fast-food meal can be just as meaningful as a fine dining experience, provided it’s within the person’s budget.
Unfortunately, one memorable date taught her the importance of that last point.
A man took her to an expensive restaurant, complained about the prices throughout the evening, and then suggested splitting the bill. When his card was declined, Jennifer ended up paying for the entire meal. “He said he’d pay me back, but he never did,” she recalls.
While she could afford the expense, the experience left her feeling taken advantage of.
“I felt used.”
“I’d Be Put Off If He Expected Us to Split the Bill”
Content creator Yasmin El-Saie admits she would be disappointed if a man expected to split the bill on a first date. “When a man pays, he’s showing he wants his date to feel comfortable and looked after,” she says. She acknowledges that her perspective may be influenced by her upbringing and accepts that some people see it as a double standard. Nevertheless, she still finds the gesture attractive.
That doesn’t mean she expects men to pay for everything. If the evening continues elsewhere, she’s more than happy to contribute.
“If he pays for dinner and we go for drinks afterwards, I’d happily get the drinks,” she says. “I wouldn’t want anyone to feel used.”
Her dating experiences have also provided some memorable examples of financial awkwardness. One date with a recently divorced man took place at a buffet restaurant where customers were charged according to the number of food sticks they accumulated during the meal. “He spent the whole evening holding onto his sticks to make sure they didn’t get mixed up with mine,” she laughs. Another date involved a man arriving in a Porsche, leading her to assume they were heading somewhere special. Instead, he hurried her into a restaurant to secure an early-bird discount and allegedly hid the à la carte menu when they arrived.
Communication Matters More Than Rules
For Jamie Rutter, a 32-year-old finance professional, the conversation around paying is less about tradition and more about communication.
“As a queer person, it can get confusing because you don’t have those traditional expectations around who should pay,” he explains. His personal rule is straightforward: if he invites someone out, he expects to pay. If someone asks him out, he assumes he’ll pay his own share.
Having become more conscious of his finances in recent years, Jamie believes honesty is essential. “If someone suggested somewhere expensive and it was outside my budget, I’d just be honest and suggest a different place .”He’s also a fan of lower-cost first dates.
A coffee and a walk, he says, are often better than a formal dinner because they allow people to get to know each other without the pressure.
One of his favourite dates involved a man organising a picnic with a three-course meal prepared by a restaurant and packed into a hamper. Everything had been paid for in advance, meaning there was never an awkward bill discussion.
Not every expensive date has worked out as well.
Jamie remembers spending a small fortune on cocktails during one evening, only to discover there was no romantic connection. “It wasn’t a bad date,” he says. “It just didn’t lead anywhere.”
Even so, because he had suggested the venue, he expected to cover the cost.
Regardless of the circumstances, Jamie says he will always offer to split the bill—whether he wants a second date or not.
So, Who Should Pay?
The truth is there is no single answer.
For some people, paying is a gesture of generosity and interest. For others, splitting the bill reflects equality and independence. Many prefer a flexible approach that depends on who suggested the date, financial circumstances, or simply what feels comfortable for both people.
Perhaps the real lesson is that paying the bill matters less than the attitude behind it.
Whether you’re ordering coffee, sharing cocktails or enjoying a three-course picnic, honesty, consideration and clear communication are likely to leave a stronger impression than the final amount on the receipt.
Need more support around a first date email us at rebecca@takeactioncounselling.co.uk we will do our best to help you to have better more fulfilling connections.
#Dating #FirstDate #DatingAdvice #ModernDating #Relationships #DatingLife #LoveAndRelationships #DatingDebate #GenZDating #MillennialDating #RelationshipTalk
Based on an article on the BBC News website 19th June 2026