There’s a particular kind of fear that can creep in during your middle 30s.
It’s quiet at first. Then it gets louder.
You look around and notice that some of your friends are partnered, married, pregnant, or planning their second child. One friend in particular seems to have the life you once sketched out in the margins of your own imagination: a loving marriage, a home that feels safe and warm, a baby held between two people who genuinely delight in one another.
You’re happy for her. Truly.
And yet, it aches.
Because the life you always assumed would be yours now feels less like a future and more like a fantasy.
Many women (and men) in their 30s share a private worry: What if I’ve missed my chance?
You might find yourself thinking:
- Maybe all the “good ones” are already taken.
- Maybe I wasted my 20s on the wrong person.
- Maybe I closed doors I can’t reopen.
- Maybe love like that just isn’t meant for me.
It’s a painful spiral. Especially if you spent years in a relationship that, in hindsight, was never quite right. The realization that time passed — precious time — can feel suffocating.
I can also relate to this – I was the last one in my group of friends to meet their partner.
On top of that, there’s the complicated truth: you want love deeply, but you also feel guarded. You want to open your heart, but you don’t know how to access the hope that it will actually happen. Hope can also feel especially fragile if you have had some very disappointing dates from apps – or you are spending a lot of time looking at apps.
There could be another way of looking at this phase of your life. A time of looking at what in the past went well and what we could update for the future which could lead to a different kind of ending.
Perhaps looking at what has drawn you to partners in the past – what went well and what didn’t work so well and what could be learnt from that.
Or perhaps spending some time thinking about what you actually want in a partner – what is really important to you?
Maybe considering how you have held your boundaries in a relationship – perhaps there is some work to do around having too tight a grip on them – or maybe you have let boundaries fall when you have wanted to hold onto them.
If any of this sounds like something you would like to do feel free to get in touch with us as Take Action Counselling as we would be happy to start the conversation Email us at rebecca@takeactioncounselling.co.uk or see our website www.takeactioncounselling.co.uk
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